it might be about time now

that i started posting here. life has gotten exciting again here in the old homestead, and this seems like a good place to begin some sort of chronicle. exciting in what way you might ask? well, uh, can't really say right now, just a change in attitude and energetics i suppose, that's big isn't it?


well i'll tell ya. last week, i dreamt about jz knight, that ramtha chick. she sat me in a cluttered office and showed how she can make herself disappear, reappear, and partially appear. the last ramtha book i read was 7 years ago, in my little trailer shack in caswell beach ontario.

the dream was extraordinary, because a day previously, on my birthday, my closest friend here took me out to lunch to announce to me that our friendship was kaput.

details aside, she was very calm in her statement, and i was like for a minute, but the fact of how stressful this relationship was, always had been, had me like as well. of course i didn't show my there, despite my shock.

but next day the certainly kicked in as i contemplated my freedom from her. that night i dreamt about jz, my new friend! lol.



so it's not an end, it's a beginning, and i was wondering where all my energy was going all those months.

well, on the impetus of the dream, i had been wanting some kind of connection for some months now, i searched for and downloaded the last ramtha book i read, the one that had sent me on the trajectory that ended with me here in viet nam. i am amazed at how much of the book i had completely forgotten, how much of the lessons i had completely ignored, running off half-cocked from that drab safe life in rural ontario.

leaving there at that time was in many ways a mistake, in that i wasn't as ready as i thought i was for the changes i initiated. i sold all my belongings and moved to montreal to begin a new life as a philosophy stoodint. obviously that didn't work out for reasons that are obvious now. from the beginning there were obstacles that i could not see as something i myself had authored. consciously, i was at a loss and could not understand why things were not working out. one thing after another hammered my failure home at this bid, and it was not going to be a smooth exit. i had placed all of my hopes into studying, assuming the effort was going to usher in a new and successful life as what i don't know. well it didn't happen that way did it.

admitting the error to myself was near impossible, and as i hopped out of the frying pan into the fire of homelessness and unemployment all my hopes were shattered and seen as hopelessly naive.

well eventually i got on this teaching abroad thing, and by hook and crook i cobbled the means to get here, to ho chi minh. i had always kept my woo on and looked for the signs wherever i went, but things just didn't look right. i mean, every move i made seemed to be successful. i came here with 1000usd and managed to get moving, although at one point it did look frightening, but i did have a return ticket should worse come to worst. happily things moved really quickly and i was earning money in a short time. then i got the good job at the good place i'm still at, but my confidence wasn't anywhere to be found. i could not understand how it came about that i would be doing so well, and it was shaky ground to be standing on. but i got used to it.

well 4 years and 4 months have passed, and i think exactly seven since i started the thing with ramtha. well ramtha as instructor, i started the thing with me. i had some unfinished bidniz to see to in terms of personal shit and development, but in the past two years things became quite solid and real and here i was.

i get that shaky feeling after four years of anything, it was four years when i bailed from that little prison in ontario.

now that little friendship was in many ways a prison too, in a very subtle way, and i was giving just a little too much to it and not with all my heart. the sense of freedom i felt the next day had me going and i'm still doing it. but it has seriously picked up in terms of streamers and sparklers since then.



nothing really has happened yet, but it's ole quoite extrodinry. quoite extrodinry.

i'll pick this up again shortly.

had a few more interestink dreams lately. the other afternoon i found this hunk of dark blue satin covering my eyes makes it seem like the dead of night and had a little nap, except i never really napped. anyway, i was idly focussed on my middle brain area, right at the top of the spine eh, and just stayed there. well didn't it start to throb and glow, and in my mind's eye it just flashed out, a bright blaze of yellow light in the pattern of a pineapple. my hands and feet were really hot. the light pineapple was only a flash, with an afterglow, but i realized i wasn't asleep, as i could feel my body and the aircon was making the room uncomfortably cool.

and all through me, even tho the room was too cool, my insides experienced this hot wash, as though very warm watered coursed through me from the top of my spine. what a lovely experience.

i teach six different cohorts most of the time. two of them are really passive and introverted, and it takes a lot of singing and dancing to get them going. and they don't really get going at all if i let up. yes it's my job, but i'm used to much more engaged groups. anyway i finished with this big group of really loud 14 year olds tonight, they were a lot of fun, just the right balance of over the top volume and actual effort in improving their vocabulary and speaking skills, 23 really outgoing kids, even the quiet ones spend most of the 3 hours smiling and trying.

i just have this shitty feeling they're going to be replaced with another group of sluggos. and i hate those small groups where they're all so self-conscious about everyone hearing their every inflection. jesus that's why you're here kids!

i polled each group and asked them, are you here because you want to be, or because you have to be? 95 per cent say they want to be here. so i jump up and shout and say well then start the hell using your voices! participate! i want to hear you! i don't care if you speak poorly, speak!

i can't stand these pedantic 'career' teachers who are all about getting the knowledge across. work the syllabus! elicit! present perfect! theories! like they're fucking machines. i just think of all the years i spent in skool, listening to the mwop mwop mwop mwop of those unimaginative empty automatic social retards, getting the 'knowledge' across.

well i was right wasn't i?




things rapidly deteriorated at work and i felt a strong need to start seeking a new situation. sensing that it was time for a change, my hours dropped and i asked around a number of other teachers, and walla, their hours have dropped too. no mind, i'm still taking this as a personal opportunity.

i went out today with a fistful of cv's and scouted around different skoolz in my district. the last place i went to was right behind my house on the next street. they called me five minutes later when i got home.

i got offered a fulltime job at their international skool in hanoi, except that it starts in ten days.




so i said call me in two hours and i'll make up my mind. so i made up my mind. i'm moving to hanoi!!!!





now i've got an entire household of shit to shift fast! i'm also going to lose my two months deposit, since i signed the lease only 2 months ago, and i hope to hell i can make 1000usd on my stuff. and then there is the problem of the kitty, finding a guesthouse that will let me keep her there till i find an apartment.



shit i got a lot to do now, but it's very exciting as you can imagine!

i was awarded a travel voucher last fall from skool, so thanks god for that, i got the airfare paid. it will be so good too to ditch this shiteybum computer, although the monitor is pretty sweet, fuck it. i'll get all new stuff eventually. all i'm taking is books clothes and a kitty.

i actually have a pal living up there right now, maybe if i find him he'll be nice enough to let the baby crash at his place for a month.


oh it'll all work out. it's time!

Hi -- nice to hear from you.

We don't have anything confirmed at the moment, but we could be in need of ELS teachers very soon. It could start off as a one-month stunt with college students from Korea in KL, and then if that works out well, it is possible we might set up an institute of some sort in KL for ELS students.

So please do keep in touch, and let me know your plans. Any idea when you plan to come to KL? Or does that depend on what is available in KL? I too will keep in touch. Rgds


--------------------------------------------------------

Hello

Thanks for your reply. Presently I have accepted a position of a year contract in Hanoi, but I am still awaiting to sign the contract. I expect that it will be signed but should something go amiss, I have already resigned my position here in Saigon and am in process of unloading my home and possessions, so I will be freefloating!

I'm trusting that I have the position, but KL would be my first choice of relocating. I understand the Malaysia esl market is not quite what it is in Viet Nam so it would depend on what is available. I do wish I had more marketable skills and qualifications, I was quite captivated with KL.

At any rate, I'm glad to make your acquaintance Lim, and I will certainly be in touch as well.


Thanks again



maybe it's not time yet to assume the future is cast in stone.

hiya

so it's been serendipity all the way. mostly. well, i got this chick, this gf of my neighbours, came over and scoped the joint. after a while she offered 500 beans for everything. about 7 or 8,000usd of profligate spending and collecting stuff over two years. so i said yes, and she's packed all of it up. except for my stack of esl books, which are a buttload, god about 80 kilos i'm going to have to post ahead to my new skool in hanoi.


i got the odd flutter as i seen my whole material life get packed up and stuffed away, but it's fine. it's not much money no, but imagine selling this crap off bit by bit. khong cam on.

so it's very fortunate. and i made the deal and she started packing before i actually had the job. lol. so i had a good talk with the saigon boss, they're a turkish outfit, it's an international skool cirriculum for vietnamese only. i start on june first.

and then there was the issue of the baby. there wasn't much question of leaving her behind, there is no one to leave her with. so i went and got a ticket with that voucher, and man it was 1.8 million, quite a stiff premium when i seen online that a fare to hanoi is only 800,000. well i booked it, and went back later when i had more time to deal with how to get a cat on a plane, i just have to go get her immunized, but i think she is already.

but then there was the hotel, what hotel is going to let a cat stay there for four days? so the agent called around and no, nobody is going to let a cat in their hotel. then she went away again after i drew her a sad kitty face, i said she's my family, i can't leave her here.

she came back, 'good news for you!' i got the 800,000 price no frills, and enough money left on the travel voucher to pay for four nights with the kitty, in a decent hotel. well i'll say decent when we get there. so all very happy, the journey and the hotel won't take a penny out of my fund, i have about 1800usd thinking optimistically.

it's probably going to cost a lot to send those books, jayziz. but everything, everything is going like clockwork. i'm sitting in my once beautiful living room. it was only last night and now it looks like a warehouse.

this whole ramtha as teacher thing has worked out exactly as he said it would, it's incredible.

so the people in hanoi are going to line up a few houses and apartments for me to look at when i arrive, i have enough to put down a deposit and the first month's rent for a furnished house or apartment and live on for a month. i'll have four days to relax and look at places and hope the kitty doesn't scratch anything up in the hotel room.

so what he says in the book is, make a decision on what you want, visualize your improved circumstances, spell out what you want in this life, and put it here, in your frontal cortex. make sure that want you want is within your realm of acceptance. if it isn't in your realm of acceptance, if you don't believe you can have anything you want, you won't get it. nothing will happen.

it's a bit more complex than that, you have to have an understanding of the quantum field, and how the observer affects, or creates, reality. it isn't mumbo jumbo, it's scientifically demonstrated. so you observe this improved life, and if you can accept that it can happen, well that is where the magicalness starts. lol.

i knew i was a very different person now from what i was 7 years ago when i first started on this. i have very few doubts now, after seeing how i have managed these past number of years. my realm of acceptance has expanded to a huge extent since then, i know i can do this.

so if it happens, you have to expect your life to fall apart. it's very simple now. after the thing will libby, and the dream, i knew my hour had arrived. i ploughed through the book, recapping and reiterating what i had learned, and waited for the continuation of everything falling apart. i focussed on my dream every night and every morning.

and then the work thing happened. i had dipped a little and forgot the project! but in a matter of minutes i understood, and thought to hand in my resignation and start seeking my next step, by going out and scouting for work in the district. my enthusiasm i kept up, knowing that there was an awful lot of things that would have to be let go, pretty much everything. i didn't know what form my future would take and i refused to try and coordinate the details and get caught up and slowed down. i kept the dream in my frontal cortex, i kept seeing it.

and he says somewhere in there, after you've made your impression on reality, and you're standing in the rubble of your former life, don't start complaining about the rubble everywhere, don't complain about how everything has fallen apart! it has to in order that the energy may reconvene and reform into your new vision.

so i'm standing in the rubble, and i've got eight days to go. and it feels good!

a lot of this post will be redundant, but reiteration reinforces things in your mind. if you are reading this, please take in the repititions. i'm pasting this from what i wrote at fcn:


last night i dreamt i was at a convocation and i was graduating from university. there were some mounted essays on the walls in this hall, and tons of people partying, and i was helping with the food. someone on the stage called my name and i got fourth prize for something, i don't know what it was.

my professor came running to me and said 'you got fourth prize!' i'm like for what? and she points at one of the essays on the wall with a ribbon on it, obviously not this missive i'm writing to you guys. i said what'd i do? she says 'i marked that paper, you had only four consonants in the whole thing!'

no i don't understand it either, but generally it's some kind of celebration deal, that i have demonstrated, in my life, that we can create our own reality. and that depending on our level of acceptance, we can make it happen instantaneously, and reality will reorient itself to our wishes.


what's even more thrilling is that it's only begun. it's only taken two days for all of this to be transformed.


i had a conference with my old bosses yesterday too, and gave my resignation formally before i even had this situation secured, i was confident enough. anyway, they explained that i had just narrowed my class options down too much and they didn't have any new classes of my levels at all, and please don't quit, we'll be busy again soon. i was gracious and thank you and i love this place and it's the best job i ever had really, but it's time for a change. i felt so good.

and they promised that if shit didn't work out my job will still be here waiting for me. awww.


did i mention that this all happened in two days? lol.
_________________


well, if you can take this all in, you must realize there are far reaching ramifications for everyone. i'm not this guy who's gone on some expensive yuppie spiritual retreat. the only coach i have for this is in my dreams. and in the stuff i read. i got like a ph.d in this now, considering it's been seven years since my first effort.


one important ramification was explained something like this.


from the moment you realize the power of your mind, from the moment you see for yourself the truth of this philosophy, here, i'll give it from the book:


the moment that you know that your focused thought affects life, when you really know, that is the moment that you will start to take care to discipline your thinking, because if this runs away with you it will destroy you.

cool someone's been reading. the whole internet these days is become something irrelevant. we had a blackout here for a day and a half and when i clicked on i had no emails and none of the places i visited had moved much, so pair haps everyone is taking more of an interest in real life.

still moving along with moving along here. the new job and home and city is getting to be more exciting. i've been driving out to district seven the past few days, i found this really luxe industrial park which is a huge area that is completely lined with blooming trees, jacaranda, i think, and frangipani and some other shrubs that are blooming these red/orange tiny blossoms, a great kilometres long avenue of nothing but a row of locust bean and some droopy shaggy pines, tiny birds singing everywhere, and almost no noise. the air is lovely as it's so far apart from the city and not that far away, and on the weekend at least, very few workers who only come out at 5 pm so it's very still and a huge fucking relief from the madness and roar and dust of the city proper.

what i've realized with these past few trips out there, where i stay for like 2 hours just to be among the trees and quiet and shit, is that you know, hanoi is just as congested and noisy and polluted as saigon. i may have scored a very nice apt. only ten minutes from work for 500 beans, but you know, ya know....


i gotta find somewhere clean to thrive in. somewhere quieter and stuff. but hanoi/saigon is where the action is, and you have to put up with it. but those times i spend in that ind. park, i'm not going to be able to love it all as much now.

i love viet nam, i love all the things i love about it, especially the people, well maybe only the people, but the environment is just too degraded. i want to be outside more, but you have to go to places like this to enjoy being outside. it's amazing that almost nobody goes in there in the daytime, it is so tranquil.

and outside this morniing, outside the entrance to the district, there was a huge lumber truck stopped on the other side of the intersection, still within eyesight of the guards in their little shelter. well the drivers were on top the truck passing down 2x4's onto a little 3 wheeler that was parked beside it. i think every hauler is engaged in something like this, stealing cargo while in transit. but it's funny they were doing this in broad daylight at 10 in the morning in view of the guards, i guess everyone was paid to not see.

there was a story this morning about fuel haulers, selling gasoline out of their trucks by the 1000 litres, and refilling the tanks with water. it's hilarious and part of the drama, but it's all so degraded. no matter how good things get for people the habits die hard. everyone is on the take in a really small time scavengerly way and there is no end to it. ya gotta laff.

yah man, i went back to my oasis in the industrial park this morning for an hour. it had rained like a bugger since about 4am, and it stopped around 12 but still very cool, 25 right now, and overcast.

so i was finkin, as i stood there under the trees, i am missing the green. like the haitians say, i miss the green the way the parched cracked earth misses the rain. i dont want to live somewhere isolated, i don't want to be 'away' from it all, but i do need some kind of regular respite, this whole dirty noisy city deal is just a bit too much.

i hope to hell this apartment they have lined up for me in hanoi is high enough up that i'm not smelling exhaust at all hours and listening to the racket. it's reasonably expensive so i'm hoping it has more premium to it than just being close to work.

man i miss the green. i guess it will have to suffice by putting a million plants inside again. funny the plants in here since i started emptying the place out, they're all dying fast. they look like hell really. well she paid for them she's got to get them outta here.

well i'm going to go close my internet account now. i don't know if they'll keep me hooked up till the end of the month, so if i'm not heard from after this i'll either have become pavement pizza or they'll have cut my interweb lickety split. it seems to me though that i should have service till the end.

writing ramtha notes in this little notebook, i looked for the first time at the entries i made in february. the first one dated february first, and was recounting a dream of meeting an asian doctor/librarian who had a big display of these large white books behind him. he was very stern and said it wasn't time for me to take a book yet.

he was advising me on what to do with the books, how to read them, and very gravely spoke of my responsibilities. the books had a single large chinese character on each of them.

it was a continuing dream. the next morning i visited him again, and was in awe of the big white books, thinking something to the effect that they were going to change everything, and i couldn't wait to start on them, but the stern librarian wasn't about to let me at them yet.



isn't that something, when i downloaded a pdf of the ramtha book from 7 years ago, i took the file to a printer and had him print out a copy for me. now i have this big white book that has caused waves in my life.

oh yah i closed this internet account and got my deposit back. they're going to leave me online here till thursday.

STUDENTS! HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HAD MANIFESTIONS! HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE HAD VALIDATION OF WHAT YOU HAVE LEARNED!


SO BE IT!




well jumping the gun is always something to expect, but...



well my new boss came by with doodz today for the aircons i had sold him for a song, and well, ya know, they couldn't take them. one of the extractors is on the roof, i told him, i told him i sez, guys climbing on the roof from my balcony, man, it's like a 50/50 chance they'll get up the roof, and an equal chance they could fall off and break their backs, i can't watch, and i can't endorse it, but that's where the compressor is.


i know he's a good person my new boss, he's a young man, but he's not an idiot. well they checked it out, crawling all over my house on the outside, and ya know, getting on the roof, yes, it's very risky, and you might die falling 15 metres onto the concrete.

he relented. 'i can't watch them climb up there, where the extractor is'. i said nor can i. and who is liable if he falls? am i liable? i don't want to watch a man die for 100usd.

so he sez he sez, tell your landlady i can't do it, i can't risk their lives for 100usd. so i called her, i said, he can't risk his guys lives for 100usd, you still want the aircons?

of course she still wants them! they're worth 700usd! and they're installed in her rental property. she can charge what she wants for rent with an airconditioned house in saigon. i love you she says! okay 2 million. and you know, if i can get a renter soon enough, i will put your deposit into your bank account! i will give you back your 900usd deposit!









well who knows what the hell is going to happen. all i know is i got less than 48 hours in this house, and all i'm going to do is bless this house! i'm on my way, and i'm determined to make the whole universe fall in love with me and do everything in it's power to get me where i'm going.

and where i'm going, i'm going to make an improvement in life in whatever way is possible, and everything is possible, i'm going to be a champion. and righteousness is the ultimate goal. and i'm going to trust in the ultimate ally. i want it all. and i want it all for everyone.


there's enough for everyone.

well i'm here now, and i can't say it to my saigon friends but ha noi is a much more attractive city. well i arrived after dark but it is much nice looking and feeling than i recall it being those last two times i visited. and i totally aced out on the hotel, thank you saigontourist, the nhat hien on hang bun (noodle street) is a lovely place, and they let me keep the kitty here too, who by the way is quite freaked out after being in the cage for around 7 hours.

so i drove around for the last 4 hours like a fool, but it's nice to be here, even though i'm exhausted from the past few days of packing and cleaning and getting my poop in a groop.

the landlord mr. khanh came by this morning to collect the keys and stuff, and i talked to his wife on the fone, she's the english speaker, ish. anyway,,, i says to her i says, i hope you rent the place out soon! and she says, 'i rented it out already!' so she's going to be putting hundreds of dollars into my bank account in the near future!





so it's going to be an easy transition. i made a nice clean break from my old job and made sure the bridge wasn't burnt, got the house all spic and span and even polished up the confounded air conditioners that really sucked up the energy the last week, psychically speaking. lol.

of course it's when you leave you realize you have some good friends you're leaving behind. but living here it's no extra charge to text from city to city, so it's nice to stay connected with friends who are not so internetty.

oh roberta i got your email, but only today. the chick who bought my stuff took the computer yesterday morning and i haven't been online since. and you know, it is all working out! like fucking magic. and the city is very green, there are lakes dotting the whole city and they are landscaped and parky and there is a much slower pace here, nowhere near as frantic and polluted, at least in the evening. i couldn't get off the bike tonight everything seems so appealing.

so i'm going to see the new apartment in the next few days, i can only imagine that itself will be another blessed blessing.

and work starts on monday, so i can only expect that is going to be a treat too. i was going to have a helluva time getting rid of that home gym, i couldn't give it away it seemed, till my new boss, well the guy that hired me in saigon, said he would take it for the saigon skoolz dormitory. he brought the principal by this morning and a couple of worker doodz to dismantle and move it out and the principal was gushing with gratitude for it. so that seemed to be a choice way to introduce myself to the company and get off on a good footing. i think they are all related, they're all from turkey. and my friend phil, i might have mentioned this, said they can be very generous and helpful and they have a great working atmosphere, albeit maybe a little short on discipline in the classroom. i prefer wild to stifled so it'll probably be fine with me.

okay i better go see what damage the kitty has done to our room.


chuc gnu ngon till tomorrow or so!

well i just made an epic post telling of all the great things going on here and the machine logged me out so screw that. i have a great place i'm moving into tomorrow, my skool is going to lend me 1500usd deposit and give me 3 months to pay it back, work starts tomorrow only a 3 hour day, and everything is tickety boo. it's a great fucking city and i'm not tired anymore. shit, that was a long friggin post to lose into the ethers. ack well. i'll post again tomorrow or soon.